MARKING MOMENTS AND CREATING MEMORIES: THE IMPORTANCE OF RITUALS

“WE DESPERATELY CRAVE RITUAL”.

As an event planner, I spend a significant portion of my time working through traditions and rituals. We may never question it, but something as simple as a birthday cake is a ritual. Gathering to celebrate a birthday, in and of itself, is ritualistic. I recently came across a TED Talks Daily podcast episode titled ‘Why You Should Make a Spectacle Out of Life’ featuring Lear deBessonet, an award-winning theater director and founder of Public Works. At one point, she says, “Even a very calm wedding—still, the ritual of it is spectacle. And ritual and spectacle have a lot to do with one another… I think we desperately crave ritual. Even the experience of throwing a dinner party is a bit of a spectacle.” It is obvious to me that we crave ritual. But why? Why do even the most non-believers among us incorporate rituals into their events?

wHAT IS A RITUAL?

Let’s start by defining ‘ritual.’ The Cambridge Dictionary defines ritual as “a way of doing something in which the same actions are done in the same way every time.” If we look at events through that definition of ritual, we can see cornerstone actions done the same way, even when they include personal touches: the exchanging of vows at a wedding, making a wish before blowing out candles on a birthday cake, or switching a tassel from right to left at a graduation ceremony. Drawing from my personal experience, I can tell you we had a blast incorporating Persian Jewish and Ashkenazi Jewish traditions into our wedding. Coming from the Persian Jewish (my) side, there was a petal toss during the cake-cutting ceremony. It is what it sounds like: the guests shower the couple with petals as they cut their cake. We also practiced the Ashkenazi Jewish tradition of having our mothers break a plate (yes, break a plate) together before the ceremony.

WHY DO WE DO IT?

So why do we do it? One perspective is that people incorporate rituals into their events exclusively to placate their parents, religious leaders, judgmental communities, or to otherwise meet a societal expectation. While that may be true in some cases and play a role in others, I refuse to subscribe to a singular, uninspired explanation. It fails to explain why even the most unconventional people follow some form of tradition. My clients are overwhelmingly savvy, modern, freethinking types. They have already gone against the grain in many areas of their lives, so why not do so for their events?

As with most things, the reasons are largely personal. As an event planner with a 12+ year legacy planning a wide range of events, all of which have included some form of ritual, here’s what I know: Rituals help people acknowledge and celebrate transitions and milestones. They provide a sense of closure and moving forward. As for the guests, people participating in or bearing witness to rituals feel connected to the group around them. This shared experience fosters a sense of belonging, a fundamental human need.

And that’s why events matter. To me, they are more than just events; they are the whole point of life. Marking moments matters. Having shared experiences matters. Memories matter.

Will your next event live up to the occasion?